Commish's Rules

By popular demand and in response to the currently popular Man Rules I will now give the blogaudience the benefit of a few of the Commish's Rules.  The CR's have been around for many years and many of you out there have heard some of these, but alas, like any good college textbook publisher, I find that the only way to make money is to issue minor  and irrelevant revisions.  Just once I would like to see a revised accounting text that decides to flip debits from the left side to the right which would then require all accounting classrooms to switch all of the windows in the rooms from the left side to the right.  Now there is a good way to boost construction industry results.  Well enough of that, because the truth is I hope I never see another acoounting textbook.  Here are the rules ...as annotated.

1.  Chew good and avoid evil...There are plenty of varied ways to assume room temperature, however, I have always considered choking to death the worst.  Oh sure, being scalded to death, or impailed in the eye with an ice pick or even being subjected to a life insuranc sales presentation are all bad but for my money, choking is the pits....get it, get it?

2.  People are more important than video games...Here comes the first revision.  I first came up with this rule in 1979 whent the Floyd boys would become mesmerized with the technical wonder called ATARI, Missile Command, Pong, and the marvel of PAC-MAN.  Well as you might have noted, video games have gotten much better over the last 26 years and I am sorry to say that  mankind in general has not kept pace.  So here is the first revision. SOME people are more important than SOME video games.

3.  Cleanliness may be next to godliness, but respect for the propeety of others is a close third...  Theft, Robbery, or just plain carelessness with others' property could get you a nickname, you might embrace or be saddled with for life.  For example "The Big Hurt" might be one such name.  Hey I'm just kidding Hurt.  Who loves you, baby?  Incidentally, while going through my papers in anticipation of whatever university that comes in second for the Bush library site to come calling, I found Hurt's tearfull resignation from the Dawgs.  The boy can write.  Too bad, these days the only creative writing he does are his expense reports at Dell.  That brings me to #4

4.  Write Thank You notes.  It's a wonderful habit and is appreciated much more than you will ever know.

5.  This one comes from Sneaky Pete.  When booking a beach vacation or a cruise, always spend the extra money and get an ocean front room with a balcony.  You deserve it and even at an extra $100 a day it's worth it.  But how can you afford such extravagance?  I'm glad you asked because the answer is in rule #5.

5.  Always Slimish the Commish.  What does that mean?  It is a term that defines buying the cheapest ticket to any sports or entertainment event, e.g. Upper tier seats to see the Mavericks, then scan all the good seats for no shows and pick the areas with the most absences by the end of the first quarter and move down there with your whole crew (kids or posse) and take over those seats like you own them.  It's good to have your hands full with food or drink to throw the ushers off about why you cannot easily present your ticket.  Also,take a reading on the body language of those ushers to determine if they are the Bob Manz-type who take their job so seriously that they would even deny entrance to Gregory Gym to fellow-Wildcat, Vato, or  are they more like Keith M., the type who enjoy being part of the Slimish move as much as you. OK, Ok, nothing is more embarassing than being moved from your Slimish seats when the real owners show up late, usually with Security that bears a remarkable resemblance to Bob, but when that happens just look at your cheap tickets in disbelief, give yourself a little "I could have had a V8 slap" on the forehead and move two rows over to another set of Slimish seats that don't belong to you.  After two removals, I suggest you take the Slimish to the complete other side of the Stadium.  The Slimish is not for the faint of heart and never attempt it on a first date,  but for pure fan excitement to match  an absolutely necessary made free throw in the final minutes there is nothing like the rush you get when it looks like you are about to be found out.  And that is exactly why Shaq never has tried the the Slimish the Commish move.  He cannot take the pressure,and as a result he probably is unable to afford ocean front balcony rooms when he goes on vacation.

6.  I hope you dance...  Wih my younger blogaudience, this may appear to be preaching to the choir, because I have seen so many of you out there on the dance floor with reckless abandon and creativity.  Who can ever forget "The Cable Car" or Trevor's "Double Dutch"  but you see, I am not just talking about dancing,  I am talking about the dance we call life.  So many of you have jumped into uncharted waters without being overly concerned with the road not taken and I applaud you for that .

  I am out of Senior Open Tee Shirts but to the person who posts a comment with the most validated literary, musical, movie, etc. references for words or phrases included in rule #6, I will dig deep into "Commish"s Closet and come up with an appropriate prize.  Jessica, as a prior winner you are still eligible and Hurt, this time try a different approach other than begging.  it never got you the first base gig, and it wiil not get you this desirable award.  I will be the final judge of the quality, completeness and and pertinence of all entries, because as you all know by now I am the Commish and The Commish rules and I have a tee shirt to prove it, thanks to Keith N.   More rules to come but now I must end this blog as I head to the Rec Center for another one of my killer workouts.  Be excellent to each other.

Comments

[flodown]

Some rules I expected to see:

Rules on parking lot safety?

Rules on how to spend the night before you embark on a journey?

Fast food drive-thru?

Extended warrantees?

Words of wisdom when planning out a senior year?

When is it a good idea to make eye contact?

Getting a good parking place in busy parking lot?

The right kind of beans to order with a Mexican entree?

[Big Hurt]

I was also wondering if it is appropriate to play catch in the Sants during the holiday season.

[Big Hurt]

So, I was listening to Lee Ann Womack's inspirational album to canvas possible songs for the wedding reception, and I'm feeling like taking some lessons to get ready for "The Dance"

You probably don't want to see me dance, as my moves look like a Cavalese cable-car disaster in slow motion.

It would be the road less taken to not dance at my wedding at all, but I have a feeling I would get a Frost'y reception that night.

I'll probably end up dancing to "Shout", just as foretold by Andrew Chun many years ago. As the Big Hurt, I am used to moving big as if a visitor to Lilliput in waters uncharted.

Commish-I'm cutting off this entry. Let me sweeten the deal: if i win, I'll take you to this soon-to-be-released coming of age movie set in the world of competitive jump-roping. Think Bring it On with jump ropes. "Double Dutch" is the working title. Think on it..

[dirtydi]

I am thoroughly enjoying this and panting from the exertion of working thru all the inside references, etc. Better challenge to a sen-cit than crosswords!!

[illegalfilms]

i can't speak to all the differences between a keith m. and a bob m. but commish i'm not sure you've seized on the right one...

i think that a keith m. employed to secure an area of a sporting arena would find a certain delight in restricting the area from those that would seek to outsmart the system. this keith m., he can spot a slimy slimisher(?) from a mile away... the eyes glancing furtively away from any contact with said securer, the uncertainty, nay, fear in the eyes of the cohorts being forced to follow their ambitious leader into illegal territories - it is here that both a bob m. and a keith m. would put a stop to the whole mess and send such offenders back to their nosebleeders.

but that's because a keith m. (and maybe a bob m. for that matter) need not be employed in such a fashion -- he'd be too good -- it would be akin to the too good that a keith m. was while employed at Target, beating out even Mike Nelson (THE Mike Nelson) for the most productive cart collecting streak ever of 62 red, plastic, wheely carts pushed (with neither aid nor assistance) from the rear of the parking lot on Park Ave. all the way through the specialized cart door in the center of the glass and steel store entrance... too good... maybe Northwestern shouldv'e considered that a scholarship worthy endeavor -- it probably would've yielded greater productivity for them if they had.

that's why.

now a danny b., back in his crowd controlling, cooling days, he was known for some leniency... except when teamed with keith m. or when dealing with chris hewitt... but that's another comment for a different blog.

[Big Hurt]

Good stuff, Keith.

Also, thanks for the shirt, Commish. It was hand delivered by Danny last night.

[Chris F.]

Commish, I know your blogaudience would absolutely LOVE a written account of your Slimish Commish story from down at SMU. I don't think that story ever got as much play as it deserved. The blogaudience is listening.

KJ, thanks a bunch for ruining my blissful 'no mention of Chris Hewitt' streak. I guess the new streak starts today. 2010 or bust....

[Big Hurt]

Chris-
I think you mean Vars Hewitt. Common mistake.